The Art of Writing

STRIFE, ART, ASCENSION

I might be on my way out. I might be on my way down. I am not sufficient for this. But, I want to write, or endeavor to write, on the way. Writing is my front line. I pray all the time, but to write
is to grapple hand-to-hand and face-to-face with the evil in myself and others. Writing is my last gasp, my last opportunity, to live well and fully in the world. The world may well crush the life out of me. Why not? I’m not immune. I’m not special. I used to think that I was, but now I’m just trying to survive in a brutal, indifferent world. I pray all the time and I take time to pray with greater passion and specificity when needed. Sometimes, I want and need to connect with the tradition, worship, and community of Christian devotion. Sometimes, I want to feel connected to something human and divine. Sometimes, I want to transcend all temporality to unite with the spiritual sense of being.

Prayer and writing are closely linked in my thought and experience. Writing can be a kind of working out of the hopes, fears, beliefs, and ideas that occupy thought in prayer. Writing waits on and expresses prayer. It is prayer’s handmaiden. It is struggle and culmination, conflict and resolution. It is the human expression of metaphysical forces. Process and realization. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6: 12). What thou seest, write it in a book (Revelation 1: 11). Writing can be both the means by which one “wrestles against principalities,” and the record of that struggle.

Sir Galahad, by George Frederick Watts, retrieved March 24, 2015, from http://www.georgefredericwatts.org/Sir-Galahad-1862.jpg

Man Crush

MAN CRUSH, BOYS, SWEETNESS

The sweetness of Brother Jacob. The sweetness of a boy who likes me. It doesn’t always have to be sexual. It isn’t always sexual. It can be a romantic, emotional crush. Boys don’t always want sex and I don’t insist on it. So much of the sweetness of life would be lost if one always insisted on a sexual denouement in relationships. I want to be available for sex, but I don’t want to be insistent about it.

Graphic retrieved March 23, 2015, from http://newyorkerinutah.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/95kQFjvCSo9qgevtzu9MxIj3o1_400.gif

Beehive Ardor

BEEHIVE, STORY, ARDOR

I’m a homosexual. What am I looking for in the world, or in life? What do I want? I go forth every day, for what? What is my purpose? Do I have a purpose? Do I need to have a purpose, or can I just go along and live until it’s over? That may be what I will do whether I like it or not: Just eke out my poor, little life until it’s over. Nothing special. Nothing remarkable. Just me, here and now, like billions of others, getting by.

I go forth every day. Am I looking for a man or a woman? Am I looking for a friend or a lover? Am I looking for success? What do I want? I don’t know that I’m looking for anything in this sorry old world. The longer I live, the less I want or expect or hope for.

I love men. I love women too, but not the same way I love men. I love men and they have returned my affection all my life. Men love me too. In a sense, I have gone out all my life looking for a man to love. I have gone out every day, all my life, looking for a man to love. I go out every day looking for sex, looking to make a serious sexual connection. Isn’t that awful! Isn’t that supposed to be awful? Why don’t I want to do it with women? Why don’t I do it with women? Why do I want so much to do it with men? And, does it matter which sex I want to do it with? I want to do it. I want to make a passionate, sexual connection with another man.

Our lives are full of stories. All of us, every one of us poor mortals, are made up of the stories we tell about ourselves and our lives. Stories. Every one meaningful and important to the one who tells it and the one who listens to it. Billions of people with billions of stories. O, to be heard in that hive of words and declamations. O, to be heard, loved, connected, included, and involved. O, to be remembered and longed for, blessed and stimulated.

Beehive illustration retrieved March 20, 2015, from https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr8elenqR8QuHcN1rLYPD3V2TdDS5Vd16QfBZoUd1LPdr0IBmvaJqsEnoUarz8I6QoqAIz6fwoz2NotSIE9FOQt2rYJ5P4MBrrX5cOUgKihbTCo7VTA5Ajj3hggmlSHxuIZKw0LgI5yHrs/s1600/vintage+beehive+victorian.tif

Google Wars

GOOGLE, DIALECTIC, BLOGGER

Did Google get religion on February 23, 2015, and lose it on February 27, 2015? Was there a palace coup with reactionary moralists pitted against progressive post-modernists? Whatever, the post-modernists won. They’re all likely in the same political camp, but cultural and personal distinctions appear in most organizations. Google apparatchiks might object to pornography and having their company associated with it. However, as good liberals, they cannot bring themselves to deny sexual deviants the right to express their identities. As a liberal entity, Google has a moral obligation to give marginal people, including sexual deviants, a platform for self-expression.

We may never know the whole story behind Google’s near ban of sexually explicit blogs. There may have been compelling, corporate reasons for cleaning up Blogger’s act. But, writers should heed the warning that their freedom of expression at Google is a political reflex, and not a sign of support for their content.

Lenin image retrieved March 16, 2015, from http://thepandorasociety.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Vladimir-Lenin-4.jpg

God Bless the Child

JOY, JUSTICE, POVERTY

Overcoming poverty is an act of war, not justice. It’s not waiting around for some asshole to come along and make everything right for you. Nobody cares that much about you and your lot in life. Believe me, nobody cares that much. And, if they say they do, they’re lying. It doesn't have to be poverty either. It doesn't have to be a state of total devastation that you want to lift yourself out of. Maybe you just want a better life. Who doesn't? Who doesn't want a better job, more money, better living conditions, leisure time, love?

Justice isn't something you get from the government or other people. Justice is a sense of self-validation. It is a sense of being right with the world. God bless the child that’s got his own. Them that’s got shall get, them that’s not shall lose; so the Bible says and it still is true. Justice isn't something that the world gives you, it’s something that you take and make your own. The world would gladly take away your joy and squeeze the life out of you, but you got to fight back. You got to slip in a few moments here and there that are all yours, regardless of what the world is throwing at you. The world doesn't cater to the likes of me, and I’m not saying that it should. But, I’m here and I count for something, and I want to leave my mark before I go. I want to have my say. I want to be myself fully and finally. Justice is when I stake my claim to life and make it happen against all odds.

Photo retrieved March 12, 2015, from https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/2a/8c/75/2a8c752a882244d5bce03025e7d90e8c.jpg