Coming to Grips

HOMOSEX, REALITY, WRITING

What’s my reality? What do I want to write about? I have never wanted to be a fiction or play writer. I don’t want to play with writing, or with communication. I do want to write. I want to write my vision of reality, my understanding of reality. If I could communicate reality to you, I would. If I knew how to, I would tell you the truth about the world we live in. Or, maybe I will simply communicate my truth to you, with the understanding that it is mine and not necessarily yours. I understand that you have your own truth to live. I also understand that we have to live together in this world, like it or not. Us living together is the nature of things. Us living together is a kind of reality too. How we manage to live together in this limited time and space is our reality.

I am a homosexual. I took the stand a long time ago that, if I were to be sexual, I would be homosexual. This is not some noble pose. Nobility’s got nothing to do with it. Pride’s got nothing to do with it. I’m not necessarily proud to be a homosexual. I like homosexual sex. I find men and boys very sexually attractive and I always have done. Homosexuality is not a recent discovery, epiphany, or conversion for me. I have lived with it for most of my life. I didn’t turn 22 and decide that I wanted to have sex with men. I learned about sex from Rusty Barnes when I was 10 years old, and I’ve been interested in doing it with other males ever since.  Homosexuality came easily to me. It was not a mystery. It was one of the early facts of my life. It was not a moral issue for me, unless being true to oneself is considered a virtue. I don’t want to make more out of being a big homo than it deserves. I do kind of want to keep my homosexuality in its place. I don’t want to be overwhelmed by it, and I don’t want to exaggerate it. It’s just sex after all. Everybody needs to calm down about this whole sexual thing. But, I do want for you to explore its significance with me.




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