Gadfly Deluxe

DAS KAPITAL, KORAN, INTELLIGENTSIA

The following was a letter I submitted to the editor of our local, small-town newspaper several years ago.  It wasn't published, so I take the liberty of sharing it here.  I poke fun at Leon, a community gadfly of the Democrat stripe.  He fancies himself a radical activist, but he's just a comical member of Falmouth's ersatz intelligentsia.

Thank you, Falmouth Enterprise, for giving a regular column to Leon, peace be upon him.  It is far too long between town meetings, when we are blessed by hearing directly from him over and over and over again.  Whenever my friends and I deliberate over some article on the warrant, I always say, "Let us not rush to judgement about this issue until Leon, peace be upon him, has spoken.  Let us wait and listen to what Leon has to say [and he always has something to say] before we attempt to decide for ourselves."  The wisdom of this policy has been demonstrated over and over and over again.

I had a shocking, but very precious, experience at the April 2009 town meeting.  Leon stood to speak, and his countenance was altered.  His apparel was white and glistering.  On his left, Karl Marx appeared, bearing an unopened edition of Das Kapital.  On his right, President Obama, peace be upon him, appeared, bearing the holy Koran.  The three of them chatted amicably, but I could not hear what they were saying.  Leon seemed to be doing most of the talking, as Marx and Obama nodded in agreement.  Above them, floating in a cloud of his own carbon emissions, was Al Gore.  Remember him?  And a voice came out the cloud, saying, "If you don't like the weather, just wait a minute."  Below them, attending to the vision, was Cindy Sheehan dressed in sackcloth, and doing penance for being stuck in the 60s.  To these mighty men, who once considered her to be a useful idiot, she was now just an idiot.

Let us build a monument in front of the library to commemorate the exalted vision of Leon, Marx, and Obama.  Cindy will have to build a monument to herself somewhere else.

New Boys

 RUSTY, SAILOR-BOY, SEX

Rusty and Jimmy were new to the neighborhood.  New neighbors.  New boys in town.  They moved into one of the new duplex apartments next door.  The modern brick building, which we watched them build between the Lowry's house and ours.  They built a duplex apartment building in our field, the field we played in.  They built a modern red-brick building that Rusty Barnes and his family moved into.  Rusty, Jimmy, baby brother, Mom, and her young sailor-boy friend.  I always wondered if the sailor-boy had sex with Rusty and Jimmy.  Rusty never said so.  He didn't say much about the boyfriend.  But, it wouldn't surprise me to find out that they were messing around.  Rusty might even have been the one to start it.  He might have seduced the young man who was attached to his mother.  He seduced me.  He seduced his little brother Jimmy.  Why not seduce the handsome young man right in his own home?

Be Warned!

WHOOPASS, LEADERSHIP, LAW

Moral leadership says that, if you physically attack me, and I have a gun, I have a right to defend myself with it.  No half-wit politician or sycophantic, sexual deviant journalist can tell me otherwise.  If you attack me, I will not wait to make a determination as to whether or not you intend to kill me.  I don't want to make a mistake in your favor with regard to my self-preservation.  I will use the most efficient means at my disposal to stop you, which may mean killing you.  Tough luck, gangsta.  You started it, you pay the price.  And remember, "Don't bring a knife to a gunfight."  You're the one who should be thinking twice before you get all offended and open a can of whoopass on some guy you know nothing about.

We live in a time when every man makes his own rules.  We have replaced common law with loony law and government fiat.  Despotism.  Tyranny.  The law is no longer what we, as civilized men and women, agree upon in an orderly manner for our collective well-being.  It has become the supercilious, petulant airing of personal grievances by incompetent politicians and journalists.  But be warned, I play by my rules, not yours.  And, my rules say that if I can stop you before you stop me, you're a dead man.

Equal Oppourtunity Exploitation

RULES, RIGHTS, REALITY

We want life to play by our rules, but life has its own rules.  Life doesn't care what you want.  It isn't moved by your childishness and importunity.  It will squash you like a bug, worse than any fabled, Republican bogeyman ever could.  You think that the Republicans are your enemy, but it's really just life that you're up against.  Liberals are always looking for someone else to make their objections to life right for them.  It never occurs to them that reality cannot bear their misconception of it, or that their puerile instinct can't force mommy and daddy (Republicans) to alter the universe in their favor.

In their imaginary world, liberals are never wrong; reality is not an obstacle; and Others have the power to make reality conform to the liberal fantasy.  Liberals never get past the parent-child dynamic in their conception of reality.  There is no objective reality for them, only unequal relationships which must be exploited for personal advantage.  Equality is the last thing a liberal wants in relationships, because there wouldn't be anyone left to exploit.  All the liberal talk about human equality is a ploy to deprive all people of real rights by granting imaginary rights to discrete classes of people.  In the liberal utopia, there will be no universal human rights, only rights dispensed by the state to favored classes of people, the governing class being the most favored.

Schmoozers Are Losers

PROMOTION, MARKETS, PROSPERITY

I want to feel like I am in charge of my labor.  I don't want to be a victim of the market's lack of insight or imagination.  I don't want to be a victim of my own passivity or disengagement.  I don't want to be lazy, but I don't want to waste time on futile endeavors either.  I want to be well-informed, smart, and proactive.  I want to be engaged to the extent that it supports the implementation of good ideas.  I don't want to waste time cultivating connections that don't promote my interests.  Self-promotion is the implementation of good ideas, not the cultivation of worthless connections.  Ideas and action are more powerful than relationships.  Schmoozers are losers.

If you want to realize your human potential, it's not enough to be a good employee.  It's not enough to be intelligent, conscientious, and productive.  Funny, I used to think that it was.  I used to think that was the way things worked.  Isn't that how we were told that it works?  Work hard and wait your turn and rewards of compensation and promotion will naturally follow.  Maybe it works for some people, but it hasn't worked for me.  And, I'm not saying that diligence and hard work are bad things.  They're just not enough for a man to realize his potential in every case.

I don't want to be dependent on anyone's good will for my progress and prosperity.  I don't want my success to be defined by the extent of the world's good will towards me.  If the world doesn't like me very much, then my personal bid for promotion will be remanded to the court of mediocrity.  I want my success to be defined by implementation of the good ideas that I promote.  I will do better to promote good ideas rather than my own personality in the market.  Success is achieved by appealing to others' self-interest in the marketplace.  The extent to which one is capable of reading and responding to market forces determines the degree of one's commercial and financial success.  There is comfort in knowing these things.  I may not have the time, energy, or ability to demonstrate them conclusively.  But, I have glimpsed their truth and will attempt to live by it.

No Prisoners!

TOXIC, BALDWIN, STARK

Good writing or good communication is distinguished as much by what you don't say as by what you do say.  Art infers selectivity in the creative process.  We live in a world that enables and encourages people to bare all, whether others are interested in it or not, and whether or not it does others any good.  And, you only want to do what's best for others, don't you?  The means to tell all is cheap, easy, and readily available.  But, just because you have the atom bomb doesn't mean that you have to use it.  Just because you have the ability to tell the world exactly what you think about every little thing, doesn't mean you have to intrude your bad self into my consciousness. Easy media, liberal duplicity, and the indulgence of your worst vices are not a warrant for you to slash and burn at will.  No prisoners!  This is what happens when politics and personal preference are held to be the highest value.  Political power becomes the human tyrant's weapon of choice, unrestrained by conscience or genuine humanity.

The Liberal Menace

RADICAL, LIBERAL, SECULAR

Liberalism is not so much a threat to morality or family values, as it is a mental health issue.  Liberalism is the harbinger of insanity, inanity, and anarchy.  Radical, despotic government is symptomatic of a culture in steep decline.  Most people sense that there is something wrong with American culture.  Few, if any, know what to do to turn back the destructive tide of secular humanism that is swamping world thought.