Gadfly Deluxe

DAS KAPITAL, KORAN, INTELLIGENTSIA

The following was a letter I submitted to the editor of our local, small-town newspaper several years ago.  It wasn't published, so I take the liberty of sharing it here.  I poke fun at Leon, a community gadfly of the Democrat stripe.  He fancies himself a radical activist, but he's just a comical member of Falmouth's ersatz intelligentsia.

Thank you, Falmouth Enterprise, for giving a regular column to Leon, peace be upon him.  It is far too long between town meetings, when we are blessed by hearing directly from him over and over and over again.  Whenever my friends and I deliberate over some article on the warrant, I always say, "Let us not rush to judgement about this issue until Leon, peace be upon him, has spoken.  Let us wait and listen to what Leon has to say [and he always has something to say] before we attempt to decide for ourselves."  The wisdom of this policy has been demonstrated over and over and over again.

I had a shocking, but very precious, experience at the April 2009 town meeting.  Leon stood to speak, and his countenance was altered.  His apparel was white and glistering.  On his left, Karl Marx appeared, bearing an unopened edition of Das Kapital.  On his right, President Obama, peace be upon him, appeared, bearing the holy Koran.  The three of them chatted amicably, but I could not hear what they were saying.  Leon seemed to be doing most of the talking, as Marx and Obama nodded in agreement.  Above them, floating in a cloud of his own carbon emissions, was Al Gore.  Remember him?  And a voice came out the cloud, saying, "If you don't like the weather, just wait a minute."  Below them, attending to the vision, was Cindy Sheehan dressed in sackcloth, and doing penance for being stuck in the 60s.  To these mighty men, who once considered her to be a useful idiot, she was now just an idiot.

Let us build a monument in front of the library to commemorate the exalted vision of Leon, Marx, and Obama.  Cindy will have to build a monument to herself somewhere else.